I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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