I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
