I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
