im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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