they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
