So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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