Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
