Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
