I want to stick my p in your. b.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
