He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
