I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize