Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
