just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
