tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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