ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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