I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My balls are so social today.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
