sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
