Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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