I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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