just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
