I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
