so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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