I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
