Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
