I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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