i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
