Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
