I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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