Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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