is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize