This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize