"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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