ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
