don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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