it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize