So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
