70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
