Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
