stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
