dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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