It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize