my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
