Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
