too bad you live with your parents still
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
