girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
