Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
