I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
