I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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