Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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