He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
