I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
