I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
