My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
