its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize