I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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