Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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