LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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