Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
