Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
