Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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