just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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