Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
