I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
