You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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