Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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