I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
