a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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